So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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