rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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