How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
