i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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