I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
