I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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