So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
