i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
