Moan for me like Helen Keller
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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