How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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