apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
