there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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