you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
