I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
