But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
