just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
