I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
