I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
