Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
