Your mouth is God's brothel.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
