he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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