i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
