I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
