he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
