they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
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Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.