you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Mom said you looked used
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.