his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
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I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.