I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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