Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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