1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize