Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
