i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
