she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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