why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
