she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
