I puked a lego.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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