whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
