I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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