Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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