No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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