Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
