Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
