We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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