Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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