just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
