The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
