Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
