i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
