it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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