it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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