Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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