I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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