Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
