Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How's work?
Spinning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
