I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize