thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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