Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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