It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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