I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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