just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
