Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize