She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
