Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
