going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
