i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
