Why are handjobs necessary in class?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
