Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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