I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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